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"Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them."
Louis Armstrong
SHOW ME WHERE
Show me where I was promised a better life, in a place in which is so advanced I can walk freely in the streets I was promised not being afraid and I was promised having prospects for the future It scared me at home that women end up on the side of the road like trash and I see the news on my phone and all I can do is watch So I put on my big girl pants and ran to the old continent were things are supposed to be nice Fast forward three years and a guy offers me a seat in a bus and I tell him no but he insists, prego signorina And I sit and think how I’m grateful men like that exists perche oltre il mio fidanzato, non se vedono spesso nella vita And I want a gentleman in the street to be nice to me and be kind To instead of greeting me by looking at my chest, he looks in my eyes I want to be excited for the summer to come so I can wear cute tops But don’t want people to think that wearing them means I’m for sale like in a store I want here to be different than there, so so much, So that I know there’s a place I can raise a daughter in, without her fear of men’s touch I want to never talk to another girl who got hurt by a patán when they were little nd innocent I need for the people on top to realise getting money is not more important than keeping girls safe I want to stop feeling like a woman’s youth is the only thing that’s makes her worthwhile I want girls and women to celebrate birthday without dread, but of gratitude for God willed to keep them alive The streets are filled with strangers in black clothes and I cannot see who they are even if they were naked And I’m struggling to come to terms that I might need help… Despite feeling I had made it I want to be heard and for men to stop talking over me I want to feel important in the world and not feel like a failure because I suck at cooking and cleaning or because my body’s bigger than yours I want to have a diet to be healthy and not to be thin I want to be the example for other girls in which being nice to yourself isn’t cringe I want to succeed by myself I would like to write stories Move people with words Is that enough to heal them? Let me go, show me where… A world when I’m not afraid Take me now, l’ll get a train In which my daughter can grow up and be safe.
LIGHT
The light that was coming Blinded them in the way Forgotten that pretty kid The kid that wanted to play Yet in sorrow and grief the father looked back Then looked upfront, willing to sacrifice But sacrifice exactly what? Time, the only thing that can’t be bought? He looked back once again at the end The kid grew up, had a suitcase in hand Dad is grey and sneezes too loud Kid buys father a pretty house with a yard Kid in east egg, small cottage lawn Dad in west egg, but what a huge house to own He closed his eyes and won’t open again And think money was worth the pain If you ever see me cry I'm not crying, there’s just something in my eye “My eyes are watery because I’m going to sneeze.” “Yes, it’s just this restless allergy.” My smile is like hers I am about to burst in tears If I feel a lot but I don’t say My throat hurts the next day “My voice cracking is puberty’s effect.” “The scars in my body are a birth defect.” “Oh, my dog scratched me last night." “Those are stretch marks that don’t see daylight.” “Oh thank God it’s not what I thought they were!, I’d have that in my conscience forever.”
EVERYTHING THAT COMES WITH FAMILIARITY
I won’t say they don’t love I won’t say they leave me no choice But nothing they owe me How can I speak with no voice? A sound of familiarity A glass about to break Silence is easier than words Why would anyone care? My hair suffers not being washed My tears will do the deed I act unbothered but need a hug And being ghosted is kinda mean Great comfort you are to me sometimes Great the times we had in the past Next time might it be too late— One will suffer and the other will pay
ITS ALWAYS HIM
We love people We don’t even realise we do Long grasses we won’t cut They look pretty that way too I dream about him Because it’s always been him.
GET HIM BACK
‘Find a way to remember’ he said At least I think so because I forgot that day He’s at the station, all alone Waiting for a train that’ll never come Small as a library card Big as a car I’ll get a relic With it, I’ll get you back Use the radio, you can only do it once Tell me you love me or just say goodbye My heart tells me something’s missing forever I loved that something, but that’s all I remember.
IS IT YOU OR YOUR FANTASY?
Is it you or your fantasy? I feel like I’m at grade school again Aches like fresh cut grass in the skin Tons of questions and there’s only silence Dreaming of you, I caught feelings God dammit, you were just being nice Wish I was able to make you wait The hotline blings and I pick it up Marks my skin like sheets waking up Keeps me at night like a monster is watching I dream of falling down, down, down Stop dreaming while I see it happening I’m smart and you make me a fool So desperate that I’m in the dark The love, the big house, the kids You, as a means to an end.
SORROWS
While in today’s sorrows I swim I’m not blinded, though today’s grim Ghastly I greet my handsome culture I count minutes, await a female future Feeling incomplete The world is a stage of deceit Be apart or it will hurt Grab my bags, won’t return He was right all along Becoming slaves, we belong In nature, answers lie In conformity, hopes die
*DING*
Sensibility as the pinnacle of creation Own now a heart full of rejection I dream of a notification coming though A deserved apology that’s due What a big sentiment that is to express When being sorry is subjective at best I’ll cry even after you say sorry ‘Cause the harm’s already done to my body I cry myself to sleep ‘cause I care No one else seems to care I’m sad and scared of change Yet you think its a manipulation game Being brave nowadays is to cry Cry and not cover up why When someone asks what’s wrong I tell them, ‘cause I’m strong
ANGER
Lie to me and I’ll remember You tried to hurt me by anger Lie to yourself, that’s fine Live the life you built around a lie From the outside you got everything Appearing to be able to have anything I like the ‘gram stories you take Letting people believe the fake Please let me talk without interruptions I feel so limited in my options Love we ain’t got, but got everything Love cannot be bought with anything I talk and you ignore my words You’re say I messed us up We yell even when we’re not afar But there’s no winner in this war They are going to believe you all You play very good that role
I'LL FOLLOW THE SUN
I’ll live in the sun, Far away from noice Where nothing but God can reach me Endless books that I devour Painting til my fingers go numb A pretty view from my window Green, everywhere is green Nice cozy restaurants A few cats as my companions Sleeping in a linen bed The sun is my only clock And im happy
ARE YOU THERE?
God help me, for I am scared I’m walking and my feet are bare The sound of your voice guiding me I’m blindfolded, walking shakingly Told me to trust and trusting I am Said to me the end is not that bad The stars in the sky are a promise to me You said I wouldn’t be hit by the debris On solid ground I’ll be forever Gotta wait for the thirty-seven Meanwhile endure the attacks Be imperfect, and be okay with that The parent, the adult, the child He judges, he acts, he cries. Don’t be fazed when he sharpens the knife For he is just threatening, and not gonna act
CIEN AÑOS DE SOLEDAD
He feels it for both of us so I don’t feel shame He is for both of us, so I am not vain And it made me cry when she called me good Then calling me fearless changed my whole mood I pray that life embraces my inadequacies’ I pray my heartaches haven’t been my fault If they are, will I end up alone? Dying in bed all by my lonesome. I sleep alone because I fart That way is better for the heart
EYES OF LOVE
Chose to see the world with eyes of love Shaking hands with anyone without a glove For I blindly trust, so no one feels denied No matter how they appear on the outside I don’t appear to be depressed about the abyss But I get depressed as my misfortunes I reminisce Nevertheless, I’m curious about what’s out there I believe that by being kind I will attain my fate I think it is a rare quality to find, It’s also an underrated thing— to be kind Don’t call me a hopeless romantic for this But humans are inherently good— or so I believe If people aren’t good as I hoped Being hurt won’t change my core I like the new person who I am becoming Know it’s a result of my traumas overcoming Mom, you’ve given me the wings I own today Now it’s time to let me fly away
PRINCESS
I’m no princess no matter what you think My grandma admires my willingness to leave I need a minute to recover From dinner on a Monday What seems to you mundane To me is a dagger Words that slash me become scars The kind you see in my arms He’ll do anything to get me to break Have to pretend all the time I’m okay It’s a losing game speaking my mind You take it as a defiance of some kind Feel offended if my emotion isn’t joy I question myself; do the others feel the void? Prince charming, won't you come to her defence? Remained quiet when he insulted your princess A cowardly mouth gives a poisonous kiss I just pray when she’s gone, she won’t miss I count the time until I’m free For now, I say yes even if I disagree Holding on to my dreams’ vision But a golden cage remains a prison One more thing till I leave And I can say my peace If you catch me saying something mean Please forgive what it might have been My psychologist says everybody has a bad side But that side of myself, I try to hide If that side I express outside of myself I know sad somebody must have felt Yes, I’m trying to be perfect, I guess Better that, then to lose another friend
IN INDIFFERENCE, COMFORT
In a river where little fishies swim And happy little frogs jump None seem to feel grim None seem unbothered by the unknown They ignore the tadpoles cuz they seem sad Sadness is contagious, or so they think All blueness seems taboo and bad Which is ironic based on where they live What’s that noise they hear overnight? Don’t want to believe it’s result of their doing They ignore it since they fear they are right So like everyone else, the river keeps going Find the triumphant In indifference, comfort
FANCY HOUSES
Scattered thoughts, but you always in them Can’t wait to go to college and be independent Right now I’m a house girl who doesn’t have plans And envy girls that have an abundance of friends Don’t cry when I say goodbye I know it’s weird to be happy in a long time span I braid my hair overnight and prevent What if tomorrow is humid and I didn’t prepare? Hearts break over misunderstandings everyday Gotta keep people who hurt me at bay Blinking never felt longer than today Never been more excited for May Learning women can be pretty and smart They told me otherwise; how sad Pretty eyes often see with restrictions Fancy houses make great prisons
RITMO
I write poems or so I strive for it Writing passively to avoid the heat I write so my verses have a beat I write this verse so you can dance to it
IN THE HIGH CASTLE
Today is one of those days I spiral Doubting if I’m a nice person or not Hanging round my brothers friends Cuz I felt alone and they were downstairs Shoulda’ planned something, I thought And had a night hanging with friends on my own But it was a hard week and wouldn’t pick up my phone Actually scratch that, it’s been a hard life, being alone I wanna feel free, like I control my days But it makes people uncomfy not wearing my chains Wounds on my face that I hide, but it’s obvious Nowadays it’s very expensive being self conscious The day is tough so I wait for when I’m sleeping Only to be haunted by my demons as I’m dreaming Got more problems than what I wanna show But ignoring these only makes them grow
EL PÁJARITO
Hoy llegue de la escuela y me senté al lado de mi ventana, Vino a mí el pájaro negro que me cuenta de lo que me perdí, Esto ha hecho desde que nos conocimos la semana pasada, Me contó que el sol salió de ocho a diez, que mi hermano robó mis pinceles de una a tres y que el niño de al lado pregunto por mí. Dime cuándo, dime cómo, que quiero saber. ¿Preguntó para hacer charla? ¿O amor en sus ojos pudiste ver? Dime a dónde fue, dime si va a volver, Que anoche soñé que podía amar, y pude por él. Mil cosas que hacer, y ninguna he de atender ¿Cómo lo puedo hacer si todavía no lo puedo ver? Y sí es pérdida de tiempo pensar en él. ¿Quién me va a condenar? Mi amor podría llegar con mariachi y ponerse a cantar. Dime cuándo, dime como, pájaro negro, que quiero saber. ¿Te pareció buen chico? ¿O de los qué rompen corazones por placer?
BARBIE DOLL
You project your faults on me as if we were the same My ideology so different than yours, that you feel shame Won’t share me with others and that’s a big word Because ‘sharing’ implies you think of me as a toy We’re better off separated in where we are living I won’t fight with your stubborn way of thinking Today I don’t worry about being controlled Also learned about myself that I hate being imposed You won’t see in the future my kids We won’t go together to Greece If you think if petty, I don’t really care I’m just taking care of myself And anytime you feel like inflicting the pain Look into your mirror over and over again You won’t force money on me no more You’ll have to put your leash this time on a dog
MIX OF PILLS
Today my heart is beating so bad Don’t know if it’s the pills I just had Or just because I miss you so bad I keep my memories in a shelve, beside my bed I look at them when it snows so I don't freeze to death And I reminisce as if doing so was a guilty pleasure Which it is when I’m also wearing your T-shirt I’m in a good mood because of the book I’m reading It makes my little heart flutter and stops its beating Like Aretha said, I’m so lonely that I need an angel How will that happen though, when I am an eternal hermit? Am I missing out or life or just being hard on myself? Every book I read is a life I acquire, and I’m in my bed Tell me about your heartaches and the music you like That is much easier I guess, that someone breaking my heart
PRIVILEDGE
My life is filled with privilege and I’m aware The only way to make it worthwhile is to help Like Marilyn attending front row to go to Ella’s gigs Promotion and paparazzi at a black woman’s deed What a role model she was And you know what? Using privilege for good is not that hard Guess I’m mixed but I am ‘white passing’ But if my brother got stopped by the police God, I would be scared for him, I think Even if I had a hundred percent white blood We should care regardless it could happen to us or not
ONCE UPON A TIME
There’s a story you tell that I love to listen to I know it’s true because of the pics you took Never told you this… but gee it made me jealous I miss you, I miss your voice I miss your laugh, that silly little noise Won’t you come over and tell the story again? We can pretend we didn’t loose our friend
LET ME GO BACK
Don’t you ever wish you could listen to a song as if it were the first time? Every single time I looked at you, that’s how I felt in my heart. And it was such a beautiful song that played in my head I didn't say anything because I was afraid it’ll make you be scared I had to scroll down more than what I thought I would Time passes by so fast and I’d stop it if I could Because I had to scroll so much down earlier Just so I could reminisce our memories together I still remember like it was yesterday, pretending to read a book in the hallways You walked the same route from class to class, always Though it was a November weather and I was shivering, I remained there But a little birdie told you I loved you and you got scared I sat there even when it got too late to quit I knew you weren’t coming but I guessed I deserved it For letting my hopes get out of view For not being enough for you Then I went and tried to mend my heart with some random guy’s kisses Who I didn’t know it back then, but took advantage of my heart being in a million pieces You opted to give me the premium friend ticket So I wouldn’t feel like being down, I got kicked You said I overthink things and yes, that’s true But indecisive? That’s not me, its you It made you sad because you felt you were loosing a friend You did, but you know that I’d do it all again
SOLITUDE AND NAKEDNESS
I lay bare in a bed of solitude and hooligans around me are waiting by the door for a prize I’ve been told that expressing my thoughts, ( that seem like comebacks but are not) wouldn’t be wise He worries cause he's only just seen the scales in my skin that I never hid, yet he never saw Inside my sanctuary are familiar strangers who just wanna make sense of it all I’m the problem and the solution as well, so I ease my mind, convincing myself it’s merely a body-mind disconnection They won’t spell it out for me but I know they expect of out me nothing short of perfection Screw being insecure, screw being ashamed, health is the priority when my body feels its dying Stop quoting me to myself to win an argument as if we were in a courtroom with a judge watching I love cheese and trying to get it I got trapped inside this dammed cage What will I do out of my life when I don’t have you manipulating me in every way? I’m so tired but I’m sleep filled, so maybe I’ll hibernate I’m so damn tired, I just wanna disappear and see if anyone will care The issue with them is they absolutely will care, as it may They will manage to have make me getting shot, about them, in some way Saying, “oh how I suffered when you dropped to the ground.” “Oh, I can’t believe I’ve blood stained my new gown." “As you were carried in the ambulance I was so worried I bit my pretty nails.” “When they prickled you with needles to IV you, I saw in the mirror I had a sweaty face." “As you got revived in the hospital, my little heart was beating so fast I cried.” “Oh, how sad I was, little one, when it inconvenienced me to watch you die.”
A MILLION LOVE SONGS LATER
He sent me a bunch of love songs and I don’t know how much to read into it He sent me a bunch of love songs and I don’t know if he means it A million love songs later he will drop on one knee and ask the dreaded question “Will you be my house bunny who cooks and and cleans and has no profession? “Be my A-ok for other people to know I’ve achieved life’s most important social convention.” “Be nice and funny but don’t talk back to me and preferably, don’t have conviction.” “Oh, darling your love is so beautiful you make me forget I one had dreams of my own.” “Oh, baby I’m so in love, and I love that if I want a new car, I don’t have to take out a loan.”
ITALY PT. 1
When I’m drunk I can almost imagine myself there Being in Italy and its nice; its so nice to time travel Now that I’m drunk I’ll tell you how I feel And through its a little cheesy, it’s real I feel nostalgic because I remember that other time I was drunk That night you wanted to wake care of me and I couldn’t believe my luck I was in a really bad shape that night You looked over me like the gentleman you are Whispered to a dude I wanted to go pee He didn’t get it until I winked at him I then said out loud if someone could take me there And of course you also offered to help But I picked him, that night didn’t I? If I would have asked you, would you had been mine? The most important things to have in life to own Are the things people can’t take you away from
PIECES ON THE GROUND
Wished I knew when I met you it would result in my heart being broken Having your heart broken by friends needs to be more often spoken Im too proud to say I need a hug because I just had a bad hour I really wanna cry but don’t know if to go to you, or to my shower And I wanna shout to those people I always hear so much of Those who won life’s ultimate lottery by falling in love I sometimes envy birds because they can fly And they are free from this raging envy I just want to thank you, for being understood by you And it’s been one of the greatest joys of my life to have you do I go to sleep just in time at sunrise to hear the little birds come out and sing Sunrise reminds me of you ‘cause it goes away in a blink
LETS MEET AGAIN
These two months with out you have absolutely suck I don't know how I managed to go without love You were stupid and I was going through a thing We can’t be friends though, ‘cause you broke me within There are some people whom I had to say ‘next’ They watch my stories and don’t answer my texts, Their faces are drifting away from my memory And it hurts to talk about it in therapy You know what I want What I really, really want? To be a happy human being And have a life worth living
TRAPPED
Feel guilty today because I called it a bad day There are sad days like these, days like today Sad because my schoolwork was overwhelming I got stressed and my head started hurting I think of a hypothetical kid working 6-10 to get a handful of rice I think of a woman in servitude with no choice but to comply Oh how tragic of me to exercise my privileges of education Oh how basic of me to have inexplicable depression Now nothing extraordinary happened but I was happy today If a happy life consist of a series of ordinary days… Then how disappointing is it to be obsessed with having happiness Very sad to call happy days that, just because I’m ignored by loneliness I also feel awfull if I awake late, what a wasted day to undergo Makes me feel my youth’s been lost if I wake up too early though Feel like a loser going to sleep at 10 having nothing better going on Feel guilty going to sleep at 4 since all day next day I’ll be dumb Everywhere I look there are walls and no doors Keep holding on to whatever isn’t worst My sense of reality is fairly warped I’m in over my head and in it, I’m trapped
HEALING
I’m being scolded and I just wanna run I sit down and express my feelings before they’re gone Realized lately that I’m lousy at making decisions I’m just new to being trusted to make them, and even so I have restrictions Trying to type but my fingers instead pick at my skin “Leave that blemish alone or it won’t heal” I’m so anxious and my nails are down to my cuticle I feel as though I’m working a 9-5 in a small cubicle The music I’m listening to right now is scaring me slightly I wanna be perfect but I try and fail ghastly Waiting for months to go by as if that would buy me my golden tickets The one who will make me free, and I’ll be away from the trenches The guard dog behind me doesn’t ever take a break Thinks he’s protecting me, but he’s impeding my breath
LIGHT SWITCH
Wished my love was a light switch Imagine for a minute it was real Off when I’m sure she’ll blow me off On when he likes me and I don’t Liking boys and girls has never been so confusing Finding prospects under rocks and then refusing Girls are different though cause I just never know Are they really wlw or just doing it for show? It is a very sensitive bomb to drop at once Saying “I’m into you,” 'cause you can’t take it back Then you are vulnerable in that fragile position But was told if I don’t go for it, I’ll regret that decision
SYLVIA
For anyone whose wondering whether or not i managed to get over them… i did Remember like it was yesterday, I asked for help and people began to disappear Its happening more than before, It’s happening more and more— Me saying “don't you ever feel as though…?” and them saying no It makes me cry being lonely ‘cause I grow to be depressed Also people fail to say stuff that’ll get me impressed But more than that, I’m terrified of in the future getting a partner Feeling lonely when we’re apart and that loneliness getting larger Then feeling suicidal eventually when I loose them due to choice or health I read from sylvia plath and wish she hadn’t killed herself Yet I go feeling that way too every now and then So, how can I complain?
TROPHIES
Its funny how I cry every time I think of you, lovey Because I think of you when I laugh at something Then I remember how we used to laugh together And that makes me sad because I’ll won’t see you ever Now you have your trophies in your case A case so high not even you can see them placed I always felt bad about not remembering your birthday There just wasn’t anything memorable about that date Now I’m glad for it because when I don’t call you then— I won’t feel guilty about it all day
GOD'S VOICE
Happiness always seem so far away In a sea of despair I swim at bay Mexican marigolds are my favorite flowers and I wonder Will I ever have someone bringing them to me in November? Happiness is a dream I can’t get back to because I woke up to pee Happiness is the warm gun everyone wants to have people envy I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see Oh, how cliched, but oh, how sad indeed But remember me when I’m gone, if you please Say that I licked and bit my loved ones when having the chance Laugh together about the many times I fell on my ass Reminisce about how good it was when I beat depression at last We are automatons made of meat but are gushing with red liquid inside Essential thing is to feed ourselves, only discharge it later, and why? We are in a rock floating through space and there are many other rocks That means there are more me’s and more you’s in those? But wait til you hear Gods’s voice in guidance Or til you have a specifically weird deja vu in your memories’ absence What happiness is is a social construct to make me feel like shit Hit me with a book to see if I make sense of all this Send me away to see the bigger picture and get some clarity Let’s see if the world changes its definition of sanity But make sure you are lucid and smiling so that I know you are alive Not just existing, but aware in this life Did I dream it or did it happen in real life? God, don’t let me die before my mother cause she ‘d have a heart attack and die A zombie apocalypse last night I dreamed Was glad to be the thing people run away from and screamed Waking up, what a great story to tell But no one really listens to what I say
HOSTAGE
Have I find the one who makes life better? The one when my eyes are wet, he won’t make them wetter I’m scared you’ll forget about me one day But let’s be real… why would you remember anyway? Telling you half-truths to hopefully seem more interesting Being late to text back so you’ll show an interest in me Searching for excuses to touch you even a little Keeping my hands to myself instead ‘cause you are forbidden I get jealous when you give different people your time Have to take a step back to remember you’re not mine And coming up with of excuses to text you makes me feel like a fool Might not be necessary to come up with something if you cared too I didn’t care that you saw me run off with another guy Did I ruin your impression of me that night? May I call you at 3am when I wake up with nightmares on my mind? May I dream about you after thinking about you every night? I got bored on my flight home and read our old chat We talked about stuff like us getting a cat Two nights in a row that you called me at night from your hotel I forgot about you and slept early instead You told me to write it down, get the ugly thoughts out my head Not even our inside jokes made us into something else Now who pays the price for realizing too late? I didn’t get a piece of that cake You fell asleep on me that time we watched a movie at your house I kissed your forehead and quietly let myself out As I drove home I was crying and the street lights were sighing I wiped my nose but nevertheless, but kept asking; May I spend the rest of my life waiting or you? Will I remember the day we met as something good? Wake up from a nightmare and I’m crying out loud Been keeping u hostage in my mind and you can't get out
THE OTHER WOMAN
May i ask you something without you getting mad? What do you see in her that drives you so wild? I mean, I have eyes, I can try and guess why of all the girls, her Beyond those horse teeth, I guess she has a pretty shade of blonde fake hair Ok, I’m being mean, I’m sorry but i can’t help but think… Is there anything else besides her that isn't her physique? What do you talk about her in those midnight calls you have? Does she know Van Gogh like you? And did she too read Anne Frank? She really makes a perfect ig post, i’ll give you that Wearing that red bikini with her arched back But do you love her of just the idea of her? A girl you only touch when she comes here or you go there And I’m staying up at night wondering why this makes me loose sleep I keep wondering if this infatuation with you is me being bored or something else Wanna speak other languages I want to speak with you so that we can have ‘our thing’ Doesn't it get old when girls ask you what does the ring you wear means? And I think it’s not jealousy, I gather, since I’m finally comfortable with myself I guess I respect her cause I wouldn’t like to say I stole someone away Have to remind myself there’s only a mile left in this marathon— And that after that, I’ll get a glass of water and will be handed the baton So go to sleep safe and sound because you can and also because you should You wake up early in the morning so early that you sleep with your shoes Always in a rush, boy, it makes me worry about you sometimes Life will pass you by and all you’d have done is work til you die And all for those experiences you value so much right now, but just let me say something You don’t look to me as happy as you do in those instagram stories
FUTURE
I’m afraid of the future, so afraid in fact, that sometimes I cry People ask me why and I get so nervous I hide I pretend as if their concerns had been new to cross my mind As if I hadn’t played those scenarios in my head a hundred times I hated that people we had in common found you afterwards In my eyes you were mine and only mine I love you so much yet there are things we can’t talk about We’re so similar but things I hate about myself I see in you Not even that good looking, but something you have that rocks my world And I know I seem so confident that all I want is somehow going to work Yet I feel so disconnected from you and from myself I don’t feel anymore when we go out, having to pay your share She told me you liked me and yes, it raised my spirits The only thing you liked was my money, or so it seems Do you think you’re better than me ‘cause of that thing you do that I can’t?
CALL ME CONDESCENDING
Learned a lot of time ago to not discuss with them Avoid discussing with people less smart than me if I can It’s just not productive and it causes me a headache But I love fighting and discussing with you, baby I woke up in the middle of the night Couldn’t go back to sleep and so I began to write Because I kept seeing your face in the darnkness. I cried until my tears made the room darker And I’m wishing I’d never have to cry ever again I know I shouldn’t be thinking about wanting to hold your hand And I understand I arrived late to your life But I dream about singing you love songs with my guitar I can0t tell if it’s you or that dammed song that’s stuck in my head And when I asked if you would miss me you said yes Could have lied, but I don't think you did Beer at 10 o clock in the morning I’ve never loved my name, but in your lips it makes me smile
CALL ME A PICK ME
I sometimes feel like a loner for admitting that in books I’ve found a home for myself Then I’ll remember some people haven’t even found a home yet And I ‘d like to tell everybody who’s punctured my heart deep If they are wondering whether I forgave them, ‘cause I did I search for that warm hug in the shower and will do forever Rather than go downstairs to the dinner table to get it
MOUNTAINS
Everything seemed to push us together Everything about you pushed us apart Now with my tears only I satisfy your thirst Our stories never managed to match You’ve walked miles to fall at my feet I feel myself being forgotten as well Like all those in the past who did before I just wasn’t remarkable enough And as she paints, will her to stop I know you like her better when she doesn’t The princess that’s restless and brave Who’s won with grace my respect The mountain can almost fare to see That the river is more beautiful than itself So it left for the forum And it spoke volumes But as time becomes more thin and slow It will be my goodbye and her hello The bittersweet taste of chocolate after prozac And with her, my memory will die
BUS RIDES
We’re miles apart yet a bus ride away You keeping tabs on all the things i say And the sun came out but in the night you disappeared. There was fog and there was rain But it didn’t mattered cause you made me feel heard. And I tried joining other peoples presence but someone wore your smell in the street today And it reminded me of when you hugged me and promised to meet again And i feel melodramatic and insane while you’re out there fucking another girl And it should be sad but it’s already been said That it is how it is and unless a miracle happens, it won’t change its ways. Missing man missing me too but it doesn’t show cuz he didn’t pull through
WHERE R U
I did that thing of pushing too hard and the door broke He said he would be back then went AWOL Maybe he went fishing for something new Something a girl like me just never knew He asked me why about the wall He didn’t understood as I explained why
THE BUREAU
I keep dreaming about you babe A text incoming, me seeing your face Should have known it was just a dream It seem a bit off; you biting your tongue Saying you’re sorry And you like me And wanna see me I keep dreaming about you I imagined a future with late mornings Led lights, red eyes Rough sex, hot nights But then i remember your smile And i nosedive into my pillow I remember laughing that time When we walked through the city at night It felt so good to be wanted It felt so good to be yours But you were ready to move on… And I wanted more You said i was your best and I was just your latest. You said I was pretty But it wasn’t abut greatness The day, before you left You told me that you’d bet That i was the best thing that could have happened To you, babe And then, as if you died You became a ghost You haunted me lots And I was lost I cleared the bureau opposite side of my bed So you leave your clothes and keys there But what’s the point of making space… When you might get a better offer?
SECOND DING
I assigned a notification sound for you A specific one I’m watching a new show and the main girl Has the same one So every time it rings My eyes start to look And every single time My heart jumps with hope But you left me Like everyone before What I would do to have you back Anything but picking up the phone
WOMAN
You won’t use my womanhood as a weapon no more You use it against me, even worse I love being a girl though its hard sometimes Sucks to have to prove myself worthy, at times
DAYLIGHT
You saw the daylight but didn’t see me Looking for hugs, everyone’s arms busy They’re holding candles I don’t get Can’t handle her own sadness yet Every day I wake up as an adult but still I try and I don’t… To guess which are those days I’ll go to sleep and I’m a kid once more But those days always hurt the most Because I’m being hurt as more than one person in those
THIRD DING
Hi I wanted to text you because I’ve been dreaming about your voice. I’ve been wanting to kiss you because it felt so natural between us And you said it felt like we’ve known each other for longer And I really don’t know if the reason is just PMS or another I ran today because I thought I could outrun my heart And I ended up alone in a laundromat I’m just waiting and waiting like a willow for her spouse’s voice in the air But nothing comes through, and I wonder what my mistake was My heart’s been in airplane mode, and you came along Now every time my phone lights up, oh I pray to God But your words were empty and your heart away And it hurt so bad when you didn’t know what to say I’m a number on your phone when you have an itch to scratch... I wonder if I knew all this from the start… When you said those words, I was in your duvet… Domani non lavoro e puoi venire un po' da me
COME BACK PT. 2
i miss you though it’s been a day And I love you though I'm scared But your smile reminded me of the past And I’m scared nothing lasts Show me your heart, beats so slow You wake up quietly in the mornings so I don’t Kisses taste like coffee and bare mornings Goodbyes that leave sorrows feeling nothing Mom said in successful relationships the guys love more But to be honest that possibility is long gone Guys used to get stuck between her curls And I stay in mu bed alone when it pours
MI FUTURO Y TODO LO DEMÁS
I need to finish writing my book I need to go out more Wanna hope my boyfriend doesn’t think I’m a bore I can’t stop picking at scabs because it helps me relax I don’t do it for anxiety, please don’t think that I’m going be late for this, I’m going to be late for class Gonna get an F if I don’t do my required reading tonight That professor doesn’t like me, I don’t know why I wouldn’t like me either, maybe she’s right These professors went to Oxford, Yale, NYU and all that I can’t even keep my grades up since my ADHD got bad And I’m scared my future is not going to turn out as I hoped Should I just lower my expectations and not disappoint? All my family and friends back home expect for so much more They’re saying “She’s surely so smart studying in Rome” “Life must be so easy in the Eternal City, Che bel paese!” “Si no te gusta el futuro que te imagine yo, toma ese.”
HATE
Someone’s snooping online Waiting by the door for a prize He’s indulging every one of her decisions It's like I signed a contract without reading the conditions And sorry but forgiveness is not in the future How can I forgive someone who’s not sorry like you were? I never knew hate like this til’ I met her Are you happy now that you made me hate her?
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